As my obession for anything remotely close to Portuguese and/or Brazilian culture continously grows, tonight I was fortunate enough to get a taste of what nightlife is like on Madeira.
My Uncle suggested that I see what Madeira´s capital city, Funchal, had to offer. What was even more enticing was that Vespas (Vesh-pash) in the center of Funchal. After taking about 2 hours to get ready for what I thought would be an awesome night lost in translation, my Uncle drove me to Funchal.
The weather was awesome and I was looking like $170 bucks, nothing could ruin my night...so I thought. My Uncle gave me some quick and important navigation details that would help me have quite possibly one of the best nights in Madeira. I bid my Uncle adeus ('goodbye') and ventured into Funchal center.
Hunger struck and I hit up 'Nico Hamburguer' for one tasty burger. One chicken sangwich, 2 glasses of Super Bock, and 6 Portugues stoges later, I found myself in the queue for Vespas. Completely diregarding the 'strict' rules in effect at Funchal clubs laid out in broken english by my Aunt, I set out to only wait 15 minutes max for entry into the club...fail...EPIC FAIL. 15 minutes turned into about an hour and 10 minutes, mind you I was by myself (only because my Uncle would have joined me but he has a super important job as a head doctor in a small town, but thats besides the point).
Among the ranks of the local Madeirenses, I was in an ongoing staring contest with the doorman, aided by a security guard, who was dressed in classic 'douche bag' apparrel. I stared daggers ninja stars into his face and cursed his family behind my chocolate brown eyes and my soaking wet primark jacket due to a quick spell of rain pissing down from the heavens as if god were breaking his seal of approval, confirming that this night would amount to absolutley NOTHING.
The main door opened and closed about 5 times before I realized that I was still in the waiting 'area' alongside an army of 16-25 year old Portuguese ravers. The doorman only let in obvious couples (who put their all into holding hands and tonguing each other down just to get noticed by the doorman), guys who looked like girls or Cristiano Ronaldo lookalikes, as well as the 'regulars' (who smiled from ear to ear when the doorman "recoginzed" them from the millions of other club patrons). I swear if I ever open up a club its going to be so exclusive that entry to the fuckin place is decided at birth (no siamese twins!)
I bet the club isn't even that good, apart from Buraka Som Sistema playing, I probably wouldn't have even taken the oppotunity for fear of disappoint as I have cleary confirmed. Next time I come to Madeira, I'll make sure I bring my girlfriend out to the club so we can purposely make out in front of the doorman solidiying our access into the discotech. I can just see it now; the doorman sees me firmly grabbing my girlfriend's breast as I stick my tonuge don her throat and out of nowhere he parts the crowd of upset Madeirense ravers and pulls us towards him, only asking us for ID before allowing us entry...*sigh* I can dream, can't I?
My night ended with a failed journey to Mickey D's for a McRoyal Bacon and a creepy taxi driver shouting curses at me for not knowing portuguese...Its funny what you can draw on for inspiration. I kinda wish stuff like this happened more so I can have cool stuff to write about. Aw, who am I kidding...Im a terrible writer :(
muito obrigado! (thank you very much!)
coming to america in 8 days!
berxxx xoxo
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